Drifting

28 Oct

I read an interesting blog comment over on Any Other Wedding yesterday. Little Wife to Little Mama shared her story about a friendship coming to an end as she and another girl found that their interests just weren’t compatible any more. Her friend was keen to go out drinking, but unwilling to compromise and have dinner or just hang out.

I’ve been in the same position, but for opposite reasons. My best friend from school stopped wanting to have big nights out, but also gradually phased me out while I tried to arrange lower-key gatherings that might be more suitable to her. We didn’t speak for four years. Our lives have come back into sync in the past few years – it’s still a little tentative, but we’re getting there.

I often think that friendships are far more difficult than relationships. With relationships, when you have problems, you make a conscious decision to either end things or try to work at it.  With friendships, when people grow apart, all that’s left is one embarrassed person trying to keep the lines of communication open.

I read a comment from the ditcher’s perspective recently, and was horrified to see her say how pathetic she thought her friend was as she tried to keep the friendship going, when she just wanted her to go away. It was so sad to think that someone could consciously treat someone they were supposed to care about that way.

I’m not suggesting that every random acquaintance should be formalised, but we all know the type of friend to whom we owe more than a “sorry – I’m busy”.

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5 Responses to “Drifting”

  1. Sarah October 29, 2010 at 3:05 pm #

    Hey Becca! Thanks for commenting over at my blog. You should totally DIY a Campbell’s label / plaque for your kitchen – how fun to be able to use that name!

    Back to your post. I love what you said about friendships being harder than relationships. In many ways, relationships are black and white in the sense that you are either in one or not. But friendships? Sooooo much gray area. Thanks for posting this – gives me lots to think about!

  2. Katie @ Health for the Whole Self October 29, 2010 at 6:59 pm #

    Wow, this is really insightful! I agree that friendships are often more difficult than relationships because you rarely sit down and say, “let’s talk about the state of this friendship” the way you would with a relationship. It makes for a lot of unnecessary guess work!

  3. Livy October 31, 2010 at 3:06 pm #

    Totally agree – for years I made the effort to keep in touch with friends from uni. I text on birthdays, sent Christmas cards and never got either back nor any general contact. I kept going bacause I thought these things were important but in the end, it just made me sad.

    I never thought about it in terms of relationship but you are right, it is a complete grey area – when do you give up? x

  4. Dirty Girl Gardening October 31, 2010 at 11:45 pm #

    Yep, I agree….

  5. Anna November 2, 2010 at 1:02 am #

    I agree with you– friendships can be a lot harder than relationships. With relationships, you can talk more out in the open (ideally), but with friendships, I feel like so often we’re forced to dance around the issue, hide hurt feelings, and just move on without really resolving issues.

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