A Mother’s Work Meme

I saw this post on Mummy Pink Wellies and thought I’d weigh in. Here goes…

A Mother’s Work Meme

Rules:
Please post the rules
Answer the questions in as much or as little detail as suits you
Leave a comment on mother.wife.me so we can keep track of the meme
Tag 3 people and link to them on your blog
Let them know you tagged them
Tweet loudly about taking part (well ok, that isn’t a rule, but how about if we start a hashtag – #amothersworkmeme)

Questions:
1.  Did you work before becoming a mum?
2.  What is your current situation?
3.  Freestyle – got your own point you’d like to get across on this issue? Here’s your chance…

And, most importantly…. you’re tagged!! If you read this and agree or disagree, please join in.

1. I was a chartered certified accountant. I had been in the process of starting up my own one-woman practice, but had fallen into the lucky situation of having one client who provided enough work to keep me busy full-time. When they found they could no longer use me, I looked into going back to employed work, but when I fell pregnant, I realised that I didn’t want to use child care full-time. My dad needed some help with customer services and product research in his company, and offered to provide me with enough hours to keep me busy while I built my business.

I struggled immensely to find clients, due to my complete inexperience in that side of the business, and began to work full-time with Dad, particularly after two key staff members left in February last year.

2. Working with Dad fit really well into our lives – I could answer queries while hooked up to a breast pump in the middle of the night, and despite my fear of the “boss’s daughter” tag, I started to feel like I was really contributing to and becoming a valuable member of the company. I’m still a bit embarrassed when I tell people that I work for my dad, but I feel that spurs me on to work harder to prove myself.

I work about 30 hours per week. Barnaby is at nursery for eleven hours per week and naps for about three to four hours per day. I can also work in the evenings and more at weekends when Patrick is home to help. I realise that I will need to cut this down as and when Barnaby needs less sleep and moves around more!

3. Katherine makes a great point about the “what do you do all day?” comments. I keep a timesheet, because I’m weird like that, and I regularly do a 50 hour week including work, housework, feeding, changing, reading to Barnaby, walking the dog and attending baby-specific classes and appointments. I am sure that plenty of mothers attend more classes and toddler groups than I do, and absolutely certainly do more housework. The only way people have time to watch Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women is if they’re as rubbish as I am at housework, or if they’re not spending much face-to-face time with their children.

For me, there are two big bugbears in the world of mothers and work.

One is that we need to acknowledge that, for most careers, taking a year or more out is going to slow us down. We need to research and make our choices; recognise the real-life implications and stand up for ourselves if we genuinely feel that an injustice has taken place. If I tried to return to accountancy, having missed out on a year’s practical experience and ongoing professional development, I would have to accept a frozen/lower salary until I had proven that I caught up. That’s not a Four Yorkshiremen statement, that just seems fair to me.

Excellent childcare is available from a very early age, so it’s not essential to take full maternity leave, unless being the main provider of childcare to your child is something you want and choose to do. Unfortunately, there are all sorts of mean-spirited people out there in the mummy blog world who have written about how wrong, uncaring and unnatural mothers who send their children to nursery are, and the damage they’re doing to their children, completely disregarding that, throughout history, childcare has been a communal activity. It takes a village to raise a child, after all. To imply that a child can only be raised well if the mother is the main childcare provider during the working week is not only insulting to working mothers, but to the loving and dedicated childcare workers who provide the service.

The second point is that we need to bring more flexible working into the system. Many jobs can be done from home, or with flexible hours, but it just doesn’t happen – especially in lower-paid roles. Too many bosses seem paranoid that their staff will not work unless properly supervised, but that seems like crazy logic to me. Why hire somebody you cannot trust? Why not work toward improving company loyalty? We need to move towards a working world in which parents and non-parents have equal opportunities to achieve a work/life balance.

I’m afraid I’ll have to break a rule, as I honestly don’t know who to tag, but if you’re reading this, then please consider yourself tagged! I’d be interested to hear opinions of parents and non-parents alike.

Quotations – Inspired by Melie

This quotation has been bandied around a lot recently…

“You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” ~ Steve Jobs
What utter nonsense. People with jobs that are repetitive, stinky, saddening or noisy… Do they love their work? I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that, having experienced a few. But does that make those jobs any less essential to the world? Of course not! To act as if those jobs and the people who do them are somehow less because they’re not the “funnest” ever is frankly offensive.

Not all of us are blessed with genius. We have to pick a job that is within our geographical, educational, physical and intellectual limits and derive satisfaction from a combination of the pay, the relationships we build with colleagues and associates, and the satisfaction that we have done a good job each day. And sure, a countdown until Christmas.

This is exactly the sort of crappy message that keeps people down. If you believe that you are meant to find a job that you “love”, then the pressure is so overwhelming for most people because it’s something that 99.9% of us will never achieve. So we give up. Or worse, we become contestants on X Factor.

Thanks, Melie 😉

 

Anyway, if only someone would pay me to research Walt Disney World trips…

 

Some Simple Truths

Some Muslims are bad people. Some Christians are bad people. Some Jews, Sikhs and Hindus are bad people… Some atheists are bad people. You see where I’m going here. The majority of people of each of the groups and others I haven’t mentioned seem to be somewhere in the average-to-good regions, just getting on with their lives.

Some gay people are promiscuous and live a hedonistic lifestyle. The same applies to a heck of a lot of straight people, too. Awesome and crappy parents appear in all sorts of family situations – single parents and couples, gay and straight.

We can all take quotes from ancient scriptures out of their historical context and use them as instruments of hate – either to denounce all those who follow a faith as evil or hypocritical; or to persecute some group out there. Here’s my take on it – if your interpretation of your religion or other moral code tells you to hate anyone, make sweeping judgements, or gloat over death, then you’re doing it wrong.

I hope that most people who read this are thinking “well, duh”. Unfortunately, in the past few weeks I have been reminded that not everyone feels this way.

There are people who blame the entire Muslim community when a few hateful extremists threaten to demonstrate at the Royal Wedding.

There are those who believe that the location of your mother’s uterus on your date of birth validates or invalidates your right to an opinion, or even to more basic needs.

There are some who are so frightened by the absurd concept that gay people pose some kind of threat to them, that they ban the use of the word “gay” in schools.

I seem to get more easily upset by the shittiness of the world the closer I get to bringing new life into it. I guess my only hope is to bring him up as well as we can. Beyond that? I still have to figure it out. In the meantime, I resolve to continue to not shut up when I hear someone saying something that turns my stomach.